Tonight, I Wept

I had an original idea for this blog post.

I was going to show this picture from our little photo session swap in Utah:

And then I was going to lament that I had no idea that I really looked like that. That woah, momma, I've gained some weight. And oh dear, there is a lot of work to be done. And heaven help me, I am a large fatty.

And keep in mind, I had no idea. I knew I wasn't a svelte lady, but seriously, I hadn't realized how far it had gone. I could complain on and on about how it made me feel to see the pics from this photo session. I could talk about the nearly-debilitating depression that I've experienced over the last few months. And how food has been my best (and pretty much only) friend. I could write a book on the loneliness of this year. I could complain and B!tch and moan and whine and cry.

But while this post was still unwritten, I was cruising some of my favorite blogs, one being CJane's. And then I clicked over to the NieNie Dialogues and saw that sweet Stephanie had posted a picture of herself.

And the tears flowed.

I thought to myself that I ought to be glad that this {fat} body still works. That I can move around and perform simple tasks without pain. That my children recognize my face and love me for who I am, no matter what I look like.

Who cares if I'm a little soft around the edges, because really, I should just be grateful to have edges at all.

They say beauty is fleeting, but I actually believe that true beauty never fades away. So while I work on the outside, I have a plan for the inside too, because we all know that the most important part of us isn't presented to the eyes, it's presented to the heart. There is much work in my future, but I thank God for each day he gives me to get it done.


{And if you haven't heard of CJane and NieNie, first of all -- where have you been over the last year? And secondly -- take a couple hours to go through the archives of their blogs, from a year ago. Your perspective will change about what is most important!}