I'm Dreaming of a Pantry

Don't you hate when your amazing plans get de-railed? Or am I the only one who hates it when I think something is headed a certain way, and then I have to re-adjust?

I'm a planner by nature. I like to have things to think about, plan for, and look forward to. I can be spontaneous about some things, but about most things I want to know The Plan. To the last excruciating detail. I'm sure that this is not so much fun for the people in my life, because if they so much as mention a "possible" something, I'm already in my head planning out how it would work. If Adam mentions that we "might" go on a trip to such-and-such a place, I'm thinking about what time we'll leave and which hotel we'll stay in. I'm already planning what I'll wear when we go out to that one restaurant we love. And then he is, of course, regretting ever telling me about it.

I do this for the little things, and the big things in our lives. It has been killing me to have our future so up-in-the-air. I've mentioned it more than once on this blog. I don't get uptight about it because I'm not sure things will work out -- I know things will always work out -- but mostly because I want to know where we'll be living. I want to start planning for the next house, and the move, and time it out perfectly so as to have the most smooth transition as possible.

Originally, Adam and I had planned that we would start looking for a new home as soon as we had an answer from Baylor (which is where he works now as a resident -- and where he has applied to become faculty of the residency program). Well, last week we got the official news that things are a "go" and he's got the job. Exciting! I immediately started dreaming about a kitchen pantry and a garage door that doesn't open into the master bedroom (yes, you heard that correctly) and perhaps a neighborhood with kids that my kids could play with. But after a quick review of finances (it didn't take that long, there isn't much to count...haha) we realized that if we could stay in this house for a few more months, we could be prepared to move into a much better home than we could move into right now. So, like, late summer. As in, we're going to bring our baby home to this house. As in, we're going to be here for six more months. I'm more than a little disappointed. I know I should be grateful that we even have a house. I know that, but I guess the difficult part for me is that, mentally, I'd already moved away from this place. The home with no pantry :) The home with kitchen cupboards that don't close and kitchen drawers that fall out if you pull them past the half-way point. The home with the worn-out tubs that the landlord painted with white paint. The home with the fence that is falling apart and the laundry closet that is the first thing you see when you open the door, along with the living room and the kitchen sink (all things that make a surprise visit difficult to field). The home with white walls and nasty wallpaper and oh-my-heck do I really have to live here six more months?????

I guess the thing that makes me the most sad is that I'd really hoped to have the nursery ready when the baby arrived...the nursery in our new home. There isn't much of a point to decorating when she won't even use the room here before we do move (she'll only be a couple months old when we do end up moving...and probably still in the bassinet next to our bed). And it makes it even more sad because I've decided on the colors and I'm really excited to get started... but I can't! :( I mean, how cute is this inspiration piece?!?! (and coincidentally the only piece of animal print in the whole room, don't worry, I'm not going overboard...)



And don't tell the baby, but she's going to have to share it with my photography clients.... How can I NOT use this at work?! :)

Don't worry, spoiled me is going to be alright. I just have to adjust. I have so much to be grateful for, and hopefully someday I can add A PANTRY to that list ;)