Murdock Cockaigne

In December I was thrilled to find out that we were moving to Texas. I just couldn't believe that we were fortunate enough to get to move back to Dallas, the place where Adam and I started our lives together. I have such a great love for this city (I know what you're all saying--"WE KNOW! You haven't stopped talking about Dallas since you left! We get it!" Fair enough...)
Anyhow, I'm not sure how I envisioned our return. I certainly didn't expect anyone to say, "Oh good, the Murdocks are back! I can finally stop holding my breath! My life can now go on!" I'm a realist. I know that we were hardly missed. Texas life went on without us, shockingly enough. But I hadn't expected things to have changed so much. After all, I really didn't think I'd changed all that much. But being back has shown me that I am a much different person than I was when we moved away, yet I'm still prone to the same insecurities.
Take, for example, my work. I've gone back to the same job I had for almost three years. Everything has changed at my Y. All of my management is different. The rules are different. The staff is different. The parents, the kids...well, you get the picture. I think I've said the phrase "When I worked here before..." way too many times. I don't fit in there anymore, and I think the gals I'm working with are starting to resent that I thought I would fit in.
Then there is my old group of friends, whom I love dearly. Their lives have all changed, too, over the past couple years. They have more kids, more stress, less time. It has been a little weird for me to try to redefine our friendships. We went from same-city friends to long-distance friends and now we're back to same-city friends, and I keep wondering how it's all going to work out. Now I guess I know it won't ever be the same as it was, and I was a little naive to think that my life was the only one that changed. And that's not to say that my friends haven't been fantastic. It's not that they are not fantastic.
Oh!
I just figured it out! My own little epiphany, right here, right now. This thought just entered my brain. And it's all starting to make sense.
The real problem is that I didn't expect this move to be as difficult as all the rest were. I thought that because Dallas was familiar, the move would be easy.
The reality is that moving is difficult every time. You have to be brave and confident every time. You have to prove yourself as someone interesting and worthwhile every time. You still have boxes and boxes to unpack and a community to settle in to and a niche to find every time. It's exhausting every time.
So my apologies to all you who read this. It was like a little mini-session of therapy! And who says blogs are a waste of time. This was my own reality TV show right here. And I didn't even charge you cable fees. Lucky you.


And some updates, just in case you're wondering.

Nate will not play soccer. Not this season, at least. I'm going to try for t-ball. This time I'll know to request a team with no Sunday practice or games. I haven't told him yet and he broke my heart tonight when he said he's going to watch the other soccer players so he'll know what to do to be a good soccer player. I just didn't have the heart to tell him yet. So I said, "That sounds like a good plan, Nate."

Aidan is five months old. What the--??? Where did the time go?

Adam is almost done with his two-week rotation of night float, meaning that by this weekend he'll be able to sleep at night and work during the day. Novel idea.

I still have boxes everywhere. I've seriously got to get my butt into gear and get everything put away. Please, someone tell me they're coming to visit and see the house so that I get motivated.

And just so that the teasing doesn't go on much longer, the thing I was "putting off" was washing my hair.

Just kidding. I'm still not telling, not yet anyway. It's far too personal for some random person to read. (who am I kidding...only my mom reads this blog.) So, Mom, you'll just have to ask me personally. But let me tell you, it means BIG CHANGES! Big changes, people!